Sunday, October 11, 2009

In which I wonder, "Did he just threaten to shoot us?"

And I quote The Rock:
"Our bike ride today was somewhat typical of our rides. We explored new territory, exhausted ourselves, returned the people who came with us in no more than two pieces, and ran into machine gun toting militias. Maybe it's the first time we ran into machine gun toting militias."

Let me explain. We rode out of the FP along a Very Rough dirt road for many miles. And then there was a gate. With the sign: Private Property, No Trespassing.

I'd heard there was a group of gun happy, compound loving types out along some road, and I joked that maybe this was the place. Turns out, I was right.

The Rock and his coworker had the guts to approach the compound to ask permission to cross their land. They called out as they approached the Bunker (for lack of a better name), upon which a man exited with a Large Gun in hand and cocked it. (also, the Bunker did have a large amount of weaponry inside it. Just FYI).

At this point The Rock was thinking, "Great. Now we're going to get yelled at."

No joke.

I would have been thinking, "Great. I'm going to die."

That's why he was sent as the liason, not me.

At this point another man exited and was quite friendly, saying, "We don't want you riding back the way you came, you'll just get lost. Sure, you can use our road."

Wasn't that nice of him?

We got a ways down the road (it was smooth, smooth, downhill) when The Rock's tire blew. He was all for walking the rest of the way ("I want to get off their land as soon as possible") but somehow he ended up changing the tire.

At this point we heard a vehicle approaching, which raised my heart beat a little because, well, the Gun People were coming.

A man in a Ranger pulled up next to us, asked what the matter was, listened to our tale about the flat tire, then with no prelude, lifted up a sleek handgun with a silencer attached to it (I knew what that was before he told us because, thank you, I haven't been watching Jason Bourne all these years for nothing.)

He held the gun up and out, pointed directly away from us so we all could see and said something to the effect of, "Ever seen one of these before?" in a voice that conveyed that probably this was more than just an idle question.

Imagine now the moment of awkward (and tense) silence that followed, because, hey, we've all been watching Jason Bourne for years now, and we know what happens when the silencers are on. And it's not deer hunting.

At that point I wondered, "Is he actually threatening us?"

Then he fired it. (away from us, thankfully.)

It was plenty quiet, I'll tell you that.

He must have sensed our discomfort because he made some comment about how those silenced guns are extra dangerous around kids who don't think they're harmful because they're so quiet. (which, also, sounds like an indirect threat.) Whatever, man. I just want out of here. Now.

Then he joked about blowing things up (such as a refrigerator) and the tension broke.

Then the real show and tell began: he pulled out a Big Gun. This time no fear inducing question accompanied the presentation of the gun. Our eyes goggled at the Fully Automatic M16 with sweet laser scopes, etc. And I will tell you, it is too heavy for my weakling arms to hold upright for very long.

(p.s. Go me for picking the cheesiest pose imaginable when holding a gun like that. I was happy to crop it for your viewing pleasure.)

So, what started out as a semi-frightening situation turned into one in which all the members of our party wondered, "Can we come out here and watch you blow up refrigerators, shoot your sweet sweet guns, and maybe even take a ride in your helicopters?" Because it turns out we all have a little bit of the Gun Compound Militia gene in us. --Lu


Amanda said...

I would have totally been peeing my pants. You guys are so brave.

Matthias said...

Did the laser sight have a "Insight Technology Incorportated" stamp on it?

Lu&Moo said...

Matthias! I didn't have the presence of mind for that kind of attention to detail. I'll have to ask The Rock if he noticed...

Lu&Moo said...

Oh, and can I just say that The Rock told me that he didn't think the guy threatened us at all! I'm going to poll the other bike riders and see what they thought. Maybe it was just me!

jendoop said...

I'm with Amanda - I'd chafe all the way home from my wet pants.