Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Jack Handy's Deep Thoughts

In case you find yourself stuck in AP English (or elsewhere) and in need of a little lightheartedness:






"I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat." It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also Baby Duck Hat is good for parties."


"I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it."


"If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted."


"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."


"If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something."


"If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."

1 comment:

Arizona Dunbars said...

Those did make me laugh.